I Don't Think She is That Smart at All...

I Think She is Just Judgemental

At least that is the JUDGEMENT of a public employee who has been sharing her long and ongoing JUDGEMENTS about me, whom she does not actually know personally at all) for many years.
I get ‘she’d’ like this a lot. It is a device which is commonly used by those who are NOT JUDGEMENTAL to JUDGE me and to let me know exactly how they feel about MY JUDGEMENTAL attitude towards my protagonist in this without actually saying anything at all directly to me. Of course they must have at least one other person to act as their straight man (or woman) willing to receive their loud JUDGEMENTS, otherwise, people might be tempted to think they were talking to themselves and perhaps they would be JUDGED for it. We certainly don’t want to enable any more JUDGEMENTAL people to be able to openly JUDGE those blameless “others’ now do we?


Does this public employee (Let’s call her Mouthy Mildred just to be judgmental) HEAR herself? Hell, no; never. Of course that is just one of my own JUDGEMENTS.
She is, however, known to have an ongoing opinion (some would say a lot of JUDGEMENTS) on a whole lot of people which she openly shares daily with others, oblivious to herself. Or so it would seem; after all I don’t want to be any more JUDGEMENTAL than I already am! She is also frequently sarcastic and very patronizing, as well as very sure she understand things which she actually doesn’t and ‘corrects’ those who disagree. She is very good at trotting out her patronizing tone which is used on a variety of people whom she clearly believes understand much less than she (at least, that is how I judge that) when in fact, many of them understand MORE than she on the topics on which she instructs others.
She never appears to see the look on their faces as she goes on and on, explaining things to people in great detail, including suggestions about what they should think, want, and what actions they should take next. Perhaps she ‘interprets’ their facial expressions as ‘confusion’ indicating to her how stupid they are (in he JUDGEMENT) which only launches her into even greater condescension.
This woman keeps a running JUDGEMENTAL commentary going, sometimes on me personally using information supplied to her by other people in her ‘social’ circle, made up of people who also don’t like to JUDGE, but…
She talks about me as if I were two different people, which to HER, I believe I am; at least until now. She is waiting to ‘find out for sure, who it is’ that she has been JUDGING and denigrating for years. They are all ‘going to find out soon.’ At least, that is what I am hearing all over town.

Thank God though she, unlike me, is not JUDGEMENTAL. She is simply much smarter than I am. Circle complete. See Title.

Notice please how the ‘switch’ at the beginning, has allowed her to deny her own thinking and behaviour, by handing her own traits to me. She has disowned them. Notice also the levelling process. Above all else, please go ahead and count the number of JUDGEMENTS she has made while being NON JUDGEMENTAL and full of disdain for those (like me) who ARE. Are you having trouble making sense of it? If you are, then you must also be crazy like me. Would you like me to call Homewood for you so you can get the treatment you obviously need? Or are you going to become resistant and non compliant?


I have found in life that those who make the most frequent statements about how they “don’t like to JUDGE’ presented as an abstraction, in absolute terms, are ALSO those who are JUDGING other people, pretty much, non stop. Their JUDGEMENTS are not based n principles used for all equally but a sort of contest or personalities they believe they are engaged in with those ‘others’ who are often playing no part at all in the NON JUDGEMENTAL JUDGES lives! This is a very common ‘sign’ (I know how many of you like to look for those) of dysfunctional relating. People from dysfunctional families recognize this even when (as some have told me) they don’t know how to put what they are recognizing into words. This is especially true if they have tried to do so n a straight forward way in the past yet were not heard.

It is surreal for many of us to see and hear the NON JUDGEMENTAL people ‘correcting’ everyone around them while totally oblivious to themselves.

So let’s try it this way. Here is a newsflash for you Mildred. EVERYONE, all human beings, JUDGE. It is impossible to live for even one day without being JUDGEMENTAL. Every minute of every day you are making judgements as this allows you to make choices about every aspect of your life.

It is what you use as a BASIS of JUDGEMENT (not the FACT that you JUDGE) and to what that judgement is attached based on the details of your concrete life experience, unique to YOU, that really matters.
To call other people you don’t really know ‘stupid and JUDGEMENTAL, is both stupid and JUDGEMENTAL and I am basing THIS JUDGEMENT on a principle not on YOUR personality. That will remain true for me no matter to whom it is applied, equally, myself included.
If you spend a little time on some introspective though and a tad less time ‘socializing’ (aka gossiping) I think you will be able to discover the reason WHY it is the principle that matters.

None of you who behave this way have rendered yourselves invisible by JUDGING, that the person you are JUDGING, is too stupid to know what you are saying, and will be unable to understand you. You have not magically disappeared because you are ‘hiding’ behind your own delusional beliefs about who I am and what I understand, which you have decided FOR me. There is only one thing that has really ‘disappeared’ when you do that, and then act out your NON JUDGEMENTAL JUDGEMENTS for all to see and hear.

It is your self awareness that has ‘disappeared’, not MY awareness of YOU.
What do you think this means now coming from a nut like me with her ‘religiosity’?
(I am sure you will know ‘Mildred’ since you have JUDGED yourself to be my superior.
“If you want to see the devil, look in the mirror.”
And
“It is the devils’ arrogance which blinds him (or her) to himself.”

Why don’t you give that some thought and then act out your ‘interpretation’ of it for us, preferably in a public forum as is your habit? Perhaps you could even do that when I am in the room with you again, since you can be sure that someone as ‘stupid’ as I am couldn’t possibly understand anyone as smart as you, see you or hear you, even if you are only doing it while standing a matter of feet (or meters contemporary in Canadian) away from me.

Now Mildred, read the title of this short essay again and see if you can hear anything in it that suggests the most arrogant and the most absurd of JUDGES are the ones who are often considered to be the most ‘normal.’

Zen-like question:

If you consider ' fault finding ' (as an abstraction in absolute terms) to BE a 'fault', how do you come to that conclusion without finding that same 'fault' in yourself for finding that 'fault' ? Do you trick yourself into it by splitting reality and creating a double standard of judgement? Perhaps my JUDGE who finds me to suffer from the character flaw of being ''JUDGEMENTAL'' could make a JUDGEMENT on that for us.

This is why we who are forced into this position ''laugh for no reason.''

End of Essay

The following is quoted verbatim as it came in as a response from a man who seems to feel he must comment on a lot of what I say. He has called my blog my ‘presious’ blog (sic) when I have told him he is not going to use it to sell his own point of view which is specifically a commercial system, which he promotes very hard, and which I do not agree has the high value which he gives it. In fact, though both he, and I, believe that psychiatry is doing more harm than good, I don’t see a whole lot of difference between the way he talks, and the way they talk, so I will post these comments of his here on the essay itself, and then state very specifically to him and everyone else, exactly what I mean.

His comments follow:

“JUDGEMENTAL-ISM AND, 'LAUGH FOR NO REASON?'
1.Bravo Patricia. The suggestion of being more introspective....
2. Hmm, perhaps explore being "The Gatekeeper of ourselves?"
3. All this about whether one is judging, sharing their 'makes' about the stimuli all about us? Is there a problem with this? Isn't this simply normal behavior of all individuals?
4. Isn't the question that begs to be asked from ALL of us 'judging' folk, invitingly, lovingly..aka charitably.. does the 'judging' or 'make-up' one chooses, truly benefiting?......
5. Why not expand our repetoir of available 'makes' or judgements, vs 'sleepily' simply doing as one always does with their choice of 'makes'?
6. How about exploring learning how to be more OK with accepting the choices of others, to 'do themselves,' rather robotically, with their narrower choices, and the repatary maze of experience they put themselves through? While admirably rightfully defend their right to do so.....isn't it their inaliable right?
7. What about focusing, simply and charitably looking after #1? Simply being an example for others, rather than the energy of tilting at others, and their right to continue to play, (cause its safer, and more known,) rather than daring to explore anything outside their self created maze?
8 What about looking after #1? What about adopting the notion that what another thinks and says, means nothing about me, it's simply about them, and their preoccupations? What about giving oneself the gift of seeing the humour, if it were not so sad, how people do themselves. Authentic laughter can be incredibly beneficial. It reflects a will and a choice to be lighter, happier, healthier, and more enpowered.
9. Isn't this what all desire? (Plus to experience, and to know love?)
10. Simply explorative questions, I offer as stimulation and reflection, if you so desire, it is your life to live after all... lol BW”

MY answer follows:


1. Your first line, left trailing…is generally a suggestion from you that I should do that, as you are pretty much my ‘corrector.’ (Does that feel familiar to those of you who have had to deal with psychiatrists?) I have actually told you I would not really be surprised if your were a mental illness pro yourself, since you employ tactics designed to presume it is the other person who needs to be helped to ‘think’ and not the psychiatrist, or the seller of salvation type systems. Both styles of talking are ambiguous and tend to be self serving.

2. When you are suggesting the other should be ‘the gatekeeper of ‘ourselves,’ who is ‘ourselves’ in your mind when you write that? Do you mean yourself? Or is it me you are referring to in another sideways attempt at ‘correction’, or is it ‘Mildred’ spoken of in this essay? If I ask you, or psychiatrists, what I generally get is another vague ambiguous non committal response. It is a one way communication; you all presume to teach. You 'teach' me about MY life experience which you do not share and don't seem to think matters much as far as the details of it go. I am expected to ''learn'' from you. You see little or nothing else.

3. The word “makes’ sounds to me like the jargon of your favourite system; they all have their own jargon even though they are all based on basically the same sort of abstractions delivered in absolute terms. Notice how there is no specific concrete detail in your sentences. They are all abstractions connected to nothing at all. They are abstractions apart from specific details and all cults do this also. It is designed to convince others if they don’t understand the leader, it is because there is something wrong with the us as the followers and our understanding and never the leader’s teaching. If you are paying attention, you will notice that all systems which present themselves as the ‘way to go’ or THE answer to life for you, sound like this. That is done deliberately so that the one being ‘corrected’ or taught will project his or her own meaning INTO the abstractions and will also accept the leaders ‘supposedly ‘superior’ understanding of it . If I disagree with what someone is trying to ''teach'' me, then that can only be because the fault lies in me, NEVER in the teacher, or so these systems would have us all believe. Many people get confused by this sort of relating for obvious reasons. I can never get the person playing the abstract game to be specific. You don’t want to be specific. You want to talk in circular abstractions. You want to talk about what you thinnk is wrong with me and not what is, or may be wrong with you, especially not anything specific.
It is a kind of self hypnosis you use first on yourself. If it gets challenged, you get very uncomfortable to say the least. Yet many of you keep trying to change the other in order to defend your beliefs, usually while denying you do this. This abstract stuff, apart from concrete detail, often sounds quite brainy but it isn’t really meaningful at all. Most of the people who talk like this get very frustrated, and often angry, with anyone who does not co-operate with their personal agenda. Name calling and insults often start to show up if they don’t get our attention. You have already started this with me in personal e-mails.
You ask, “Is there a problem with this?” because you don’t see one. Let me answer that question:
Yes, Mr. Oxymoron there IS a problem with this when the ‘difference’ seen is largely manufactured and then brought into concrete reality with the following results.
“Mildred’ who is doing the judging doesn’t see herself as doing that. Mildred though considers herself to be Normal . Mildred also thinks she is somehow magically ‘hidden’ while acting all that out in plain sight. She does it often. Mildred believes it is OK to do that because the person she is judging as ‘being judgemental’ (a trait for which she holds me in contempt) is too dull witted/stupid/crazy to know what she is talking about. The point of the essay which you seem to miss is that Mildred does not see either herself or the woman she is talking about as we really are BUT she believes it is I who do not understand her, or myself. She is wrong. Nevertheless, since I am so stupid in her opinion, she feels free to talk about me in the third person to her co-workers like I am not there. Mildred here who doesn’t like people, who judge, is judging others ALL the time. It is her ‘normal’ personality. Yet she has no psychiatric label.
Now in this SPECIFIC case, which is not an abstraction, (so come down out of the clouds Oxy) I am considered to be ‘delusional’ for seeing Mildred as she is and being aware of the absurdity of the situation and Mildred is considered to be ‘normal’ for NOT seeing me as I am, and NOT seeing herself either.

So the problem is:
Mildred does NOT get forced out of her job for being ‘normal’ and forced into the mental illness system for treatment, and a nice psychiatric label but I DO get forced out of my job, forced into the mental illness system and handed a nice psychiatric label for being aware of Mildred and all those, like her, because Mildred denies she is who she is, and that she does what she does. When seeing and understanding the same things is reframed as opposites, from opposing view points; one ‘sane’ for doing It and the other ‘insane’ for seeing it, then there IS a problem and what that problem is, keeps staring you in the face. It is not an abstraction. It is a concrete specific problem with concrete, specific results.
NO, it isn’t the ‘normal’ behaviour of all individuals. For example, I don’t stand around discussing my opinion of Mildred, (despite the temptation to do so) as if she wasn’t there, nor do I discuss her with other people behind her back. I could of course, but I have chosen (at least so far) NOT to do so. I don’t like the way Mildred behaves. I think she is a hypocrite and she is very good at it too.
As for ‘normal,’ most often what people mean by that is what the majority may do. So what? The majority have done a lot of mass killing together. Is that ‘normal’ and therefore anyone who does not join in the killing is ‘abnormal?’

4. Is the judging benefiting? Well again Mr. Oxymoron it depends specifically on what is being judged and under what specific circumstances. It is not something that can be answered as an abstraction therefore the question you ask is meaningless since there is no evidential detail to which it is connected or to which you seem interested.

5. I do believe if anyone is sleepwalking though this it may well be you. Nevertheless, I will expand my repertoire of ‘makes’ (no doubt the jargon of your system) and suggest you ‘make’ like the wind and BLOW.

6. I accept your right to ‘do yourself’ and in fact, agree you have the inalienable right to go ‘do yourself’ right now.

7. I am looking after number 1 Oxy, though not exclusively, and I am sharing my ideas of that with others who can accept or reject as each one sees fit, and I have already told you that. If you think (as you have expressed) that I am merely ‘titling at windmills’ then do yourself a favour and move on to more interesting views. Surly there are millions of others looking to be saved by you? You have an arsenal full of abstract platitudes to share with the world and there are still lots of takers for what you are selling. Go, go, with my blessing and sell it where you can. My writing IS my example, and the others right to ‘play’ ends where MY right to ‘play’ begins, and vice versa. When they invalidate me to validate themselves, they are in MY ball park not their own. You never seem to get that point Oxy. Do you think you will be able to stop 'tilting''at me soon?

8. What another thinks, means and says, means something about me when they use it to control or affect my life in concrete reality. Let me be very specific. If a psychiatrist forces me out of my job for telling the truth and labels me insane, THAT is about ME and that is seriously affecting my REAL life. I find it hard to be cavalier about that but maybe that is because I don’t spend all my time flying off into platitudes and aphorisms used to hypnotize myself so I won’t have to take a real stand on anything. Believe me. I do see the humour in this. It is why us ‘nuts’ are laughing. And you thought it was for ‘no reason’ didn’t you? I am ‘laughing authentically’ as I read your comments. Please accept it as my gift to you. Your right too, I feel quite empowered by it.

9. I don’t speak for ‘all’ as I find it a bit pompous on that level. However, I do ''love'' that you have given me the experience of laughter. Thanks so much. Did you see your clear reflection all right? I did try to polish the glass a bit for you.